Wtf?

[IHopeToGod]

Hehe.

Sorry i just wanted to be the first to post here.


hehe.



...A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says: Hey fella, why the long face......

[Freakish]

lol!!

like..what-EVER!

(btw, whoever created this forum mispelled anything..hehe)

[HortonsWho]

So...

This man walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"


Seriously... so this is where all of BamBam's post now go?

[MadMikey]

Don't know WHAT you're talking about!!!!!


MispellingMikey

[Phanataz]

I think MeaningfulMikey is politely suggesting that I should post all of my jokes in this forum instead of distracting people from the real purpose of the Stealth forum..

Fine.. i'll just stay in here all by myself polishing my rocket launcher.

[-tekg0d-]

knock,knock...

who's there..

interrupting cow... (freak)

interr MOOOOOOOO

[-tekg0d-]

ok a real joke...

There was a Chinese guy, a French guy, and an American guy, all in the military.. The sergant walk up to them one day and says, "OK, Boys your gonna do some work today. American guy, I want you to dig a trench. French guy, I want you to haul the dirt away. And Chinese guy, I want you to get the suplies."
So about 2-3 hours go by and the sergant comes up and see not any work has been done and says, "What is going on, why isn't anything done?" And the American guy says, "Well sarge, I cant dig a trench without a shovel." And the French guy says, "And I can't haul the dirt away without a wheelbarrow." And the sergant asks, "Where is the chinese guy?" The American and French guy both reply "He has been gone for a couple of hours."
So the sergant walks over to the tool shed looking for the chinese guy, and out he pops, "Suplies!!!"

[SK TastesLike KFC]

Oh..
My..
God.





SKTLKFC

[-tekg0d-]

suplies!!

[Freakish]

eh..er...funny!

oh i'm sorry I can't fake it!! it sucked!

[HortonsWho]

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.

Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Dubya says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

:eek: :rolleyes:

[IHopeToGod]

LoL! thats a good one.

So a horse walks into a bar.........

[IHopeToGod]

Hey SK TastesLike KFC. What exactly do u guys mean by ...we do chicken right .. what the hell is going on over there.....

[Fa Kov]

And is it true the name switched to KFC because you genetically engineer your mutant poultry to generate more drumsticks, and therefore could no longer call it chicken?

[SK TastesLike KFC]

Watch "Pink Flamingos"

Haaaapy Chicken.........



And the genetic manipulation thing....

a cruel hoax. heh.

SKTLKFC:D

[StealthDP]

Two men are driving through Michigan when they get pulled over
by a State Trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the window
with his nightstick.

The driver rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him
in the head with the stick. The driver asks, "What the hell was
that for?"

The cop answers, "You're in Michigan, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."

The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."

The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He
gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger
side, and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"

The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."

The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna
say to your buddy, 'I wish that ******* would've tried that ****
with me!'"

[StealthDP]

A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after fifteen years and was on
the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the
bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed.
The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start
to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which
the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the
room to his young wife and whispered, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He
probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to
have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you
do, don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"
"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel
that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he
thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."

[SoBeiT]

Classic..lolololololololololol....Just where does a Monk hang out to hear these stories? :D

[IHopeToGod]

Hehe funny monk!

Anyway for those of u with bad body ordor try this:

[Masterblaster 43]

roflmao

[HortonsWho]

OMG! We've found the monk's weakness! :p

[StealthDP]

Jake was on his deathbed. His wife Susan was maintaining
a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand as tears
ran down her face.

Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up
and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"My darling Susan," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh. Don't talk."
He was insistent.

"Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something
I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your
sister, your best friend and your mother."

"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you.

[IHopeToGod]

:D :D . Hmm i'm gonna see if i can find some monk jokes....

[HortonsWho]

The stalest of them all:

A monk walks into a pizza parlor and the guy at the counter asks, "Whadda have?"
The monk replies, "Make me one with everything."

[IHopeToGod]

Thats good :p .

Reminds me of the blind lady who had two dogs. One dog was named seemore and the other was called freesho. Well one day while in the shower the blind lady's dogs got lose and they ran outside. In a panick the blind lady left the shower and ran outside after the two dogs and started yelling - Freesho, seemore !

[IHopeToGod]

There was this young man in the middle of the arabian desert in a small camp with no women. The young man really wanted to have sex. So he asks one of the elders - "Hey I really really need to have sex what can I do". So after a little hesitation the elder says : "I'm really not suppose to do this but if ya really have to have sex you can use that camel over there in that hut but don't tell anyone" . So the young man responds "What, are u kidding me!". The elder replies "Often many men come to me with this same problem and I tell them to use that camel over there". So the young man thanked the elder and went into hut where the camel was. A few minutes later he reappeared and went back to where the elder was. "Back so soon the elder asked". The young man replied "Yeah but I got to thank you. I know it was a camel, but that was some of the best sex I ever had".

The elder burst out laughing - "Thats funny, most people just ride the camel into town - there's plenty of women there"

[SK TastesLike KFC]

The Monkster's feelin a little frrrisky today...........!


See, I told ya the lithium was better than that weak-ass Prozac-
next time you'll listen........





SKTLKFC:D

[StealthDP]

MadMikey goes to the optometrist. The doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating!"

"Why Doc," he asked, "am I going blind?"

"No," the doctor explained, "but you're upsetting the other patients!"

[StealthDP]

Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"
Mary is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser.

Mary is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"
Mary, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Mary can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

[TazGirl]

(The short version)

This woman goes to the grocery store on a hot day and does her shopping. When she is finished she takes her groceries to her car and puts them in the back seat. She starts her car and gets ready to drive home when all of a sudden.. BANG and feels something on the back of her head. She uses her cell phone and calls 911. The operator answers and asks what the emergency is and the woman tells her "I've been shot in the head! I need an ambulance." The ambulance gets there and sees the woman still in her car with one hand on the back of her head. They ask her to move her hand so they can help her but the woman says, "I can't, my brains will fall out!." The paramedics tell her that they can not help her unless she moves her hand. After a few minutes she moves her hand and the paramedis start laughing histerically. The woman gets pissed and says, "I've been shot in the head and all you can do is laugh?" One of the paramedics looks at her and says, "Ma'am, You haven't been shot, your biscuits exploded!"


That goes to show just how stupid people are in my home state of Illinois!!!! :D

[SK TastesLike KFC]

Hmmm.......


She starts her car and gets ready to drive home when all of a sudden.. BANG and feels something on the back of her head.


Sounds kinda like.........


Nah.






SKTLKFC
:D

[IHopeToGod]

The young native indian boy looked up at the great chief and asked "Why do we have such strange names, why do they call u Grey wolf". The chief replied "When I was born there was a grey wolf howling in the distance, signifying that a great leader was being born". The child then asked "Why do they call my father Grey Feather". The chief turned to the child and said "When your father was born a great grey owl landed at the foot of his bedside to watch over him" . "If thats the case", the child asked, "then why am I called Broken Rubber"

[StealthDP]

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.

He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.

Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.

The snail says, "What the f**k was that all about?"

[-tekg0d-]

hmmmmmm..
I see what the donkey punching monk is up to all day

[Mudhammer]

lmao at the snail joke.

Good one.

[IHopeToGod]

Ghandi, if u still come here. How bout some jokes man. I bet u have plenty of those :p

[Kingster]

Here's one...

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters were rising, a man was on the stoop of his house and another man in a row boat came by. The man in the row boat told the man on the stoop to get in and he'd save him. The man on the stoop said, no, he had faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising and the man had to go to the second floor of his house. A man in a motor boat came by and told the man in the house to get in because he had come to rescue him. The man in the house said no thank you. He had perfect faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising. Pretty soon they were up to the man's roof and he got out on the roof. A helicopter then came by, lowered a rope and the pilot shouted down in the man in the house to climb up the rope because the helicopeter had come to rescue him. The man in the house wouldn't get in. He told the pilot that he had faith in God and would wait for God to rescue him. The flood waters kept rising and the man in the house drowned. When he got to heaven, he asked God where he went wrong. He told God that he had perfect faith in God, but God had let him drown.
"What more do you want from me?" asked God. "I sent you two boats and a helicopter."



Or... How about...


In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry.

A police officer pulled up and asked, “What's your name?”

“Shut-up.”

The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?”

And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream!”


But this one is my fav:


A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar.
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty of tequila deep in the heart of Texas. "
The Californian, not wanting to be outdone, selected a bottle of fine wine, tossed it up, and shot it into smitherines. "Hey, don't sweat it dudes," chirped the Californian, "There's zillions of bottles of wine in Cali."
The Seattlite, following suit, guzzled down a bottle of micro-brewed beer, chucked it towards the rafters, shot the Californian, and (without missing a beat) pulled out his hand and caught the beer bottle. Everyone in the bar stood frozen in shock.
"Relax, kids," said the Seattlite cooly, "Up in Seattle, there's a freakin' ****load of Californians. No big deal."

[BamBam]

Osama Bin Laden had snuck into South America avoiding the impending doom from the US forces.. There was a massive flood.. You happened upon the scene and see him clinging for life hangin on to a tree, his hands slipping by the second and the flood waters raging more swift by the second..

You're faced with a dilema.. Do you take a picture, possibly winning a Pulitzer prize, getting paid millions of dollars for the rights to it, and having fame and fortune for the rest of your life as a professional photographer, OR, do you reach out and help him in the name of humanity and let the courts try him and convict him of the murderous deeds he has committed..

Now the question.. Do you use a wide angle or telephoto lense..:D

[BamBam]

Ya gotta tell this with a lisp..

A hairlip goes into a pharmacy and ask the pharmacist "I nee sum snavin creem.."

The pharmacist says "Pardon me?"

"I nee sum snavin creem!!"

"Oh, what kind would you like??"

Hairlip says "Wha difense does it make?"

"Well, if youhave a Gillettee razor, you need Gillette shaving cream, if you have an Atra razor, you need Atra shaving creem"

The hairlip says "I got a Atra."

The Pharmacist sells him some Atra shaving cream and sends him on his way..

Next day, the hairlip comes in and says "I nee sum toof paste."

Pharmacist says "Pardon me?"

"I nee sum toof paste!!"

Pharmacist say "What kind of tooth paste do you need?"

"What diffense does it make?"

"Well," says the pharmacist, "If you have a Colgate toothbrush, you need Colgate toothpaste, if you have a Crest toothbrush, you need Crest toothpaste.."

Hairlip says "I got a cwest.."

Pharmacist sells him some Crest toothpaste and sends him on his way..

Next day the hairlip comes in with a can that has a hole in the top and says to the Pharmacist "Snick yo feenger in there.."

Pharmacist says "Pardon me??"

Hairlip says "Snick yo feenger in there!!"

Pharmacist says ok and sticks his finger in the hoile in the can and pulls it out and says "What kind of **** is THIS!!"

Hairlip says "Wha diffense does it make.. Tell me what kinna noilet paper do I need.."

:D

[SoBeiT]

hahahahaha....like that one :D

[IHopeToGod]

Conversation at your typical christmas dinner:

"Pass the sugar, sugar".
"Pass the Honey, Honey".
"Pass the tea...Bag!!!"